Dear Santa,
i want some candy and a and a German opera singer and a and and i want to be half-naked in a movie with Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman. oh, oh and a trip to Mexico. oh and Santa? please make me fat and hairy for my underwear scene. that would be great, thanks. some of you already know, but Santa's gonna hit some turbulence and these windfall goodies are somehow landing in my chimney (shut-up Blynch) this december. over Thanksgiving, my young cousin inquired on how to become an actor. "no problem kid, here's my thirty-two 'can't lose' steps to stardom." step 1. star in a 5th grade play with Emmy nominated actress and first roller skating rink date, Amy Ecklund . step 2. forget all about drama til high school. step 3. do some plays and stuff. step 4. forget all about drama til the end of college. step 5. get a degree in AGRICULTURE (very very important step) step 6. decide you are hilarious despite others honest insistence otherwise. step 7....