The Fancy Catfish

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD I am writing you with much concern after I read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design is to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him. It is for this reason that I'm writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your school...

i know how the new batmoabile works bitches.... how sad is that. ? i'm/.... yep. see ya soon, ct

Who makes breakfast when your helper monkey has a hangover? http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1362276.html

You son of a bitch. I can't believe Ray's drink made you faster! It usually makes me fall down and eat giant blocks of cheese. Are you sure you're not just DREAMING that you're faster, when in reality, you're passed out in a nest made from a dirty beard, asleep, kicking an earthworm in the face? Which ever, it's good to know you're still here horse. I can't believe you haven't been stolen by greedy drinkers wanting to win the big race. Be careful... they don't know proper horse maintenance in the city of angels. They'll use you and drop you in a sack along with a half eaten california-cucumber-hotdog. Stick with Ray horse, and if he tries to be in a glue commercial, only then can you leave. - Derek

i am faster than ive everbeen be4. training camp was great. sometimes you have to be lost in the mucde be4 you find yourself. this is me racing a lexus commercial. nice, huh. thanks for putting me near ray's drink. always, horse.

i have to say.... i LOVE my backyard. it's the first time that i've EVER had a backyard that i truly love (even growing up). i have always been afraid of living alone because history has proven that i tend to go FUCKING CRAZY if left by myself for too long... but you know what... i can tell that this backyard isn't gonna let that happen. this backyard is wise beyond its years. it reminds me of that field behind the bar at flipside. when you look at that field on mushrooms, you c an tell it has its shit together. one of these reasons my backyard is grreaaaattt is because it has a creek and a;lthough it's only a small one, it still works. the birds and squirrels put on a fucking CIRCUS show. there's ONE grackel living on the other side of the creek and he's the first grackel i've ever liked. why? because all the squirrels fuck with him and he gets PIIISSEED. he's the straight man. if it weren't for his uptight behavior, the squirrels wouldn...

today was weird wacky wednesday whatever. two lines of type, now errows good job ray got haaaammmmered at the junior/senior show last night( the hilight being the opening bsand 'will power". woke up with my bedroomd door wide open and my rroomate screaming 'oh my god maggots' entire living room infested with maggots lookng for food. epic hangover.. screaming .. maggots. ever go down a hill on your bycicle so fast but only to make it half way up the other hill and gthen fall? fuck it. spent 3-7 at drew carey's pool while he went ot get a haircut, swa hime for thirty inutes before he went to poker. it's almost a damn shame to mention that here becuz he is real and real good. just tyin to be honest. rested for 3 hours. chris martin. he is shy. now for a free boat ride onthe chug. what former mtv veejay would not leave at 4am? that's an hour a go my time.. here's a picture of his naked ass in my living rooms. weird day. bad weird. but mentio...

what do you think is the best halloween costume worn by a character in a movie? my pick would be when the karate kid dressed up like a shower to hide from the cobra kia dojo. he could've just worn a mask or put on a sheet and went as a ghost... but no... he thought it was smart to wear this big, clunky shower costume. he almost got his ass kicked because of that costume. he couldn't run in it! mister miagi had to save him. if he just would've worn a smarter costume he would've gotten away. but then again, he was young and innocent back then so i guess it's okay. i bet mr. kid looks back at that moment and thinks, "man... why the hell did i think it was a good idea to be a shower?! no matter what halloween party you go to, if a SHOWER walks in the room, it's gonna get the most attention. i should've known that! maybe next year i should be something a little more low key. something like a rolltop desk."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20050617/lf_afp/afplifestyleholidaystourismus_050617210205 "upscale facilites" hahahaha all those people really need is some white trash hottub action in their backyard.

okay, so you're only spupposed to post to this thing after drinking, right? heeeeeyyyy, everybody. even you, blynch. stee and i are saying hai. Stee says: One of my eyes is open. The other one is not. pamie says: wine tastes good. stee say: i saw the cap'n from chips ... no, you have to capitalise. CHiPS. There you go. Today. I saw him. At a graduation... we sang the CHiPS theme song at him. But I don't think he recognized it. pamie: we saw matthew lillard at dinner today. he's enormous. and scraggly. and he didn't say hi, which was weird, because w'eve had to look at him for years. he should at least say hi to everybody now, apolgizing in person. stee: zzzzzzzzzzz. pamie: let's go watch that bill hicks dvd. that'll be funny. stee: zzzzzzzzzzzz. pamie: aw, man. stee: i got some m&m's,and i'm not oging to tell you where they are. pamie: gross. stee: not like that. huh-huh. heehehehehhe. uhhhhh. haaaHhahahahHHAAA. pamie:...

We didn't have cheese and crackers at flipside this year. Maybe we should have them at burning man instead? Just sayin.

So I just found out that my birthday tree is the pine tree. The PINE TREE? That's my tree? The pine tree? I don't have ANYTHING in common with pine trees.

This week just keeps out doing itself. NOW my favorite thing of the week is Wang Chung performing Nelly's Hot in Here. Seriously people this week is AWESOME. Wish you were here.

I've been lucky enough this week to see and hear some amazingly funny shit, but so far this takes the cake: "I'm gonna jackoff then watch Fat Albert. Later."

Okay... about 6 months ago I was out on a drunk excursion when some lady from San Antonio came up to me and asked to take my picture with some of my friends. She was very friendly and I'm guessing she had just received a new digital camera because it was proudly displayed around her neck. She and her husband took the picture and told me that she would email it to me if I gave her my email address. I did. Now here's the fun part. They emailed me the picture, yet for some reason, they kept me on their mass email list. I'm 100 percent sure they are unaware of their error, but I have received pictures and emails on EVERY gathering, party, and strange family get togethers they have had FOR MONTHS now. Keep in mind, I talked to this woman for about two minutes at the bar. I have NO IDEA who she is. Here are some of the pictures I've received.... This one was titled: "WHAT HAPPENS AT THE PARTY, STAYS AT THE PARTY" (evidently not) This one was titled: "MY COU...

I want to get some money together and start a news channel. The Good News Network. "When we say good morning, we mean it." hahaha Seriously, it will just show news that should make people feel good. Like a fireman saving a kitten stuck in a tree. An underdog team winning the big game. Dogs calling 911. Teacher of the week. Food drives. Chili cook offs. Science Fair winners. New Hot Pocket flavors. I think that along with Camp Labruauadon is my dream. Word.

I just took this quiz to find out what mythological creature I would be and it turns out I have an 84% chance of being a Mermaid. Stupid ass quiz. You try: http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=21002&first=yes

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Here is 0% Pants Ray at the office. And here is 0% Pants Ray during a big meeting. And here is 0% Pants Ray on the Red Carpet with Lara Flynn Prewitt. May we never speak of these again.

i never want my paint to dry.