The Fancy Catfish

wellllll.... the fire department was called to my house at 3 AM after we set a typewriter on fire in the road and tossed every single piece of furniture i own into a tree. it was a fun game we invented. it's called "Try and Get Furniture Stuck in the Local Vegetation". that's the good thing about having crappy furniture. it's great for destructive purposes. to start out, the typewriter was burned with lighter fluid but was soon doused in lots of GAS. the fire got very big and the neighbors freaked out. when the firemen showed up they just looked at us as if to say, "fuckin' hilo assholes." today, i lowered my head and avoided eye contact with all my neighbors. the worst part was walking over the giant, charred section of pavement with everyone watching. no sir, the neighbors were none too pleased. we were nOiSY. it took many tries and alot of man power to toss the furniture high enough to make it stick. the ironing board and metal chairs ...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050519/sc_nm/monkey_dc

"Someone like Jean-Luc Godard is for me intellectual counterfeit money when compared to a good kung fu film." -Werner Herzog

today started like any other day that i get asked if i am canadian. then we had great pizza. then we saw 'charlene' daniels end her lilith fair tribute with THE MOST HORRID RENDITION OF DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA THAT EVER WAS. we went back to the hotel, tipped over a vase, then the nurse asked me if i could read so he could show me a sentence instead of asking me in front of India if i was a victim of spousal abuse. and i now have nine stitches in my hands and a cast. vicodin.

I need everyone who reads this to go and rent Cop and a 1/2. I am so fucking serious. Please go rent it. I have seen a buttload of bad movies that contain a buttload of creepy things,b ut this one has the scene that takes the cake. Please please please go rent this. I want to have someone I can talk to about the horribly disturbing scene from this movie. Holla back.

If you ever decide to watch Cop and a 1/2 put Springsteen's Glory Days on repeat and enjoy. As much as I think Burt Reynolds is the greatest star ever, that is the only way I can get through that movie.

i thinkk "Handicap Entrance Ramp Cover" iks the best name for a band and possibily a small child.

I just went back an tried to read some of our old post. Woops spacebar sin to shit dkey. fuck!@ I'm typing like Ray. We were really talkative in Swptember 2003. Really. Et's do it again.

The Diamond better set a vegas stop for his upcoming tour or I'm never gonna forgive him. I'm ready for some hot august nights. bitches.

Do you know when Shinola is coming out? ps If you don't go to flipside it will feel like all the grandmas in the world forgot how to make cookies. Don't take away the cookies.

Fucking tell me already! Not even Mapquest knows. I'm just plain sick of it. How the fuck do you get to Sesame Street? Sweep those damn clouds away and just tell us how to get there already. The song really is like someone telling you about this great party where everything and everyone you love is gonna be there but they forget to tell you how to get there. Sesame Street Theme Song:"Hey, Flipside really will be the best time you have all year." Me:"Man after hearing you guys talk about it for the past three hours Flipside sounds perfect to me. I really could use something like that right now." Sesame Street Theme Song:"Sorry its all sold out." Me:"Oh." Seriously, words rhyme with turn left, turn right, 3rd street, north etc.. I really want to go Sesame Street. I want my sunny days. TELL ME HOW TO GET THERE ALREADY! sidenote: any ideas on how to meake a tickle monster costume?

Every year people tend to get upset with the outcome of the Oscars. I used to be one of those people. I now tune in every year just to see the speeches and commercials (or to see Lou Gossett Jr. sleeping) but for the most part I really don't give a shit. I really think the only purpose the Oscar's now serve is so that people who only watch 10 movies a year a can tell someone "I told you so" when their pick beats out their buddy's pick for best picture. But tonight I'm a little upset. I just watched Kramer vs. Kramer. Damn that's a good movie. But this viewing I paid close attention to D Hoffman. Now I'm not an actor, but I've seen a shitload of movies and tend to think I know what good acting is. I think that Dustin did a great job. He did a great job of playing a dad who doesn't want to lose his son. Good stuff. WAY above average. BUT! IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM DID HE EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE CHARACTER THAT PETER SELLERS CREATED IN BEING THERE! Li...

one of my favorites...

For every plus there truly is a minus +Don Williams -Alabama

I don't know if this is a compliment or slap in da face but... "In 1980 Don Williams was named Country Star of the Decade in Great Britian." I love drinking with 903.

no, i love your mammma

ijusrt found my sciagarettle but i'm too tired to smoke em, fuck llayyyalll

ops i had to pee fuck up shut up you are gonna miss so much whiole i ppee i just picked the galls menegerie out atht trash while i wiped my onwn pee off my legg meanwhile back at benighn i fukcin know davin andselov yes i dude iwen know i now u ididn id didnt xcua i worked for my mom i me t hi i cant even type as fast is this inane conversaiotion let's tjuust try i wish two people would leave i dont have cigarettes we satart hangin out after orieanss he's theis holly my basketbllall teamm ] not ev e jj im talking jjj who hated me fresheman boy right so, they are all firens payed basketall ther parne tss grew up together they do section als by statse we son EVERY SINGLE HOLEY SHIT IT HIT SHIFT ON we ever ye full crazy shipt won every singell thing on earth we were crazy this was my school.. yeah eya yeah you like watch anty obbtday that wants to wathch my life ll... tat s my life .. llike senoiire yeatr wer're gin to smei stae.. you could see i grew i on a farm like fiv...

did i say "nad"? i meant bad. ray says things i don't uhnderstand no mre no more. all we has is time and my energy. when that one doewns't work, we'll try the this one. the next one. what do we have here? stink face. whe where'ws my cigarettes at? don't typ like that? do don't type like' i'm talking? righright/ right. i'll be back. no, I'lll abe badk back. hahaha. so ray disappeared for a while and came back with tomorrow. and by tomorrow, he jmaeant a birght light bulb. which he set aside and replaced with a new one. a dimmer one. chaps and helmet and look of concern for everyone's well being. dringk that vallley forge. that's gogt a good taste. you can stopp too.

it was only suppose d to gbe two nmbuut now it's threes ... now and for ever one las tdreinkd,, ready dannd cddanced dadnce to the bgothe both muisixc sllowlyh but sureeeeeeeeeerely efeel it feeel it almost radio head but not quiete dance dance stilllllllllllll haemet adorned jockeyes stilll still still stilll still st jauc smilee a meant smile not for ced like a tipepped hand he means it you cant eve tap cqan you asdf asdfd karate.. i awwant to read it look to the other conversation find the dreink realize realize in the corener agree it s a hight schoolsss what are you doing ray stumped who is playing this who is this the song coming on righ tnow ahh oh supermant spin i'm not home righ tnow dance

steady lads, the last one. it's empty he said, and he loaded another. all righty loaded. screwed in, and right to go. hands wiped down and arms at ready, hard hat ccrash helmet on, and gas inside his cream puff gullet, creemed and whipped. hold tight laddy, courage, and smoke. smoeked, creeeamed. j

a lonely shepherd appeared amidst the flock and had bad news... "all righte= he said. i have some baaaaad news. " he talked sheep to the sheep... "i heard some bad jazz about some bad dudes who came to take my sheeps away from me." and it's true , there were some badd duddes. and there said they some bad jazz about some talk about a certain man showing bad signs about certain sheeps. and this dude called upon them, the sheeps that is, and he kept making it hard for them to do their job. he kept making sounds and noise and movements and the shps could'n't' coundt themselves. no more. and no one could sleep. and no sheep could keep count. and no sleep could be kept no more, no count. and his name was worry. and all was worried from then on. the shepherd returned to find sheeps undone and sleeps usurped, and he wept. and he slept no more.

Stay sweet...Live happy...Burn ...Luv, Shamuta Well, I must have been stoned when this whole thing started, cause I just can't seem to think straight anymore... brandi

does anyone else get drunk and try to learn/remeber things? I just taught myslef how to figure slope again. Please tell me that someone selse is this weird.

This girl I don't even know turned my face into a sandwich. How you ask? She covered it in mayonaise and mustard, it didn't taste very good. Mustard burns in the eye, mayo doesn't though. I wish I lived with a film crew.

Who wants to go to Long John Silvers?

That fireworks stuff is som carzy shit. One time Ray and I tried to burn down my house. All we had was an egg, a microwave, and a CD though. Oppos, wait we didi have some bottle rockets too. they didn't blow a wall out though.

I didn't know Jake was 38. http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/nation/chi-050504fireworks,0,7983132.story?coll=ny-leadnationalnews-headlines

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch Remeber that time you got hurt real bad? This probably hurts more. http://video.craveonline.com/video/index.php?showVideo=623&statsid=27&pid=29

i figured out why that apple soap in the fort sucks. it's liquid dish DETERGENT. that's why it's so sticky. it's for dishwashers. not hands.

Every time I post to this thing it's a freak'n miracle for my drunkenesssssss. Check out this link stipidssssssss CASEY_CASEY_CASEY_CASEY_CASEY_

my baloney is my firt name

heyyyy laies they dont make an oranfe flavored spray fo you?

wizardry.dammit. chords dont necessairly translate into language. can i borrow some salsa. owen is a guitarist that plays rock who here likes belgian waffles? i just need some syrup. like jurassic park's owner.rasin' sour cream and onon chips r great. i also love enchi,.adas with salsa, time to break. waffles? present them to me.

semper fi ,, well do do it tell you die ...but if you got smoked turkey ,,welll syucka throw it on rye ... but the roootin toootin fella is bad but not yella so lets get down where the where we find the soundi am tired of dont's...i n eed a shellfish thjat says thin gs about sports scores from the future...then i would use my powers for evil for once...balloons and bikinis . ,., mullets and ex-girlfriends...times and divisions...if i were a circus i would be tyrtavellinfggfzs...like a long lost friend ... eggs and balloons and rules are for suckers johnny boy......???????reyt type th9s way happy gfithsty that met sm jy fiteh no he llef tme ii watnneed a litlel asopai under atalkk slow smashhhh 9 indont apredicitnow oown ¨hnphnddoone tfit˙ tit tthat s pealluminin alliminuja hwt sl hoathand that lw˙t is thlilkske wå˙t kwhi ci sis lik qaunwjiij ddfkdont he ddsdrandomm lyh and yo uthing thwy dwbecaithat spoinningiist eve¥ neow nand t˙en cuaz wher re off killeter snow sit on down...

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb i hate helicopedrs trinadaddis rewindin is ellegal. a gald eleagal. swimmin in feater beds made fom frelative s wtha like to kski .. who well.. cant remember i remember seeing an gird bood gtime.. that is the reason for hese seasonconstatntly... this is a song one more threem more yours callllaaaahooooo now its mine. but i fond want to own it thanks for the memories that i hae to mpay tae s one iit wee lll hell yess hell yesss why diddnt we ryjhyme b4 shortahnddd i sug a well thant never runs dry of funn but im still thirsty cuss word who hear likes wafffles? i like waffles wit blueberries. and strwaberries. but noiot at the same time. god bess jesus and bacon.

its christmas tim its not christmas but it sre feel slike it why? because dammit.... presentets are in your friends. that's why. good friends surprise you every now and then. and thst means it christmas. i love belgian waffles.

oguo/gu/'/'g8ot- v7' red puked before owenowen puked afterwards i agree true story its ok...nobody's looking, buddy remember that one time when we walked ac\ross the street and that vagrants cocked his elbow..."are you sure" we said...he wasn't...he left and we puked...remember matt brown? that's matt brown...no it's not..are you =sure...what?...yeh...i need a broom... check

okay. i guess its time for answers for answers, 5 jive was invented ofr death. welcome to the basketball game. its the last train to sand trap. true story. your speakers aren't even worth half this conversation. it worked for a second, ahhh shit. doing my best. dammit. these asssholes are my frineds and they know the universe like a dog. like me. ignore everything until it passes over. that's what red;s ;awyer says. who hear likes biscuits? or belgian waffles? i do. i like both. so they'll desss up like ducks and wear tiny duck costumes to flipside? red. asshole go to flipside. people need to call red and piss him off. and owen, too. now. hey... who hear lijkes beef jerkey?

here we go agin ,,,,,,senior oh no sed oooooooh yeah sandtrap pet3 met sadddled saddled bill...and then nwith a peas porridge pot and a peas porridge yooo!!!!!!!!! who puts thaat silly sucka in tha pot nine daze olde...... some like the pot .... some like the gold.... but who 3323223 likes the numba 1 with the rhe root down fold

so pickled bill and hid famous pack of daimond thieves just ajurned from the whiney village...... shish bob k-boom booom and thier was was a brand new flavor and sweet sassy sue sud they was sumptin too flaver oh yeah oh yes oh god bless from the top too the bottom then you say hell yes,,, born with a teil but ii still wail ......lookin for trust while i kick dust .....magic is real...16 sided dice.....rip it up........................flooor

good ideas are quick afoot when gin goes unmeasured...one time i watched a girl fall halfway through the awning of my favorite bar because she believed me when i said "i've got a good idea"...then i woke up today and i stink..."follow me ", i said...and she did...but that was before sh knew me very well...i need a beard washin'....this was all after derek threw up (i threw up too, but i was mostly unaffected by it all)...she still doesn't know that this happened...which is why tonight i drink my gin from a measuring cup...good decision

They say that famous people die in threes. I'm more convinced that famous people grow up in pairs. My favorite example of this would be Rick Morranis and Geddy Lee. Also Chicken Fried Steak and Gravy.