The Fancy Catfish

This one is old and pretty much only for Derek, but I thought of it today and giggled: "Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody Cody."

dearest cigarettes, let's just be nighttime friends. just kidding, i want to have babies with you. -ray

so... i have a headache. but that doesn't matter because i just found the PEERFEEECT puppet show karaoke dolls. us. that's right. us. http://www.mytwinn.com it's expensive. but i think when the company sees our pictures, they'll lower the price.

what a stuupud person my relfectionn is. i hads a beautiful woman beggintg to go home with me tonnight. it was great. hallowwen is the funnnest tijme tio hook up with people. shhe was gorgeeous. she hgad that look in her eye. she was falling down all over the bar but she didn't give A SHIT. but guess what happened? i ahd to leabve in a hurry. becauce my ride was departing. so i left., quickyl. i didntt thinkm much of it, because eveeery night is a crazy friday nightl, but dammmit, i regret it niowq. it wqould've been nice to make out with a good lookin' girl tonight. that wouldvve been fun. instead im at home, trying to make cream of wheat like my grandparents. but it's not as good. i called red and he said to add mor e buuter. i was hesitant becausee the instructions call for brown sugar... not more butter. im making it in a coffe mug becausae i ran out of bowls. how do old people make this stuff taste good>? i cxall,ed red aghain to ask for instructions. insteas...

in the newww christmnas peoople will give eqach other timexz watches. thats it. good ollsd fashioned watches. justw like breaad pans and baking stoness. doo you know what? i can't beliebe i can type without error. i have been drinking dolalr mickeysall nighgtanf oits a miracle i can typoe without error. wait. i just looke dup at the screen. shit.

Hva er med all tegnsetting og sobriety omkring her?

i just popped over to my buddy Pete's page after receiving a drunken phone call from Mel, Lori, and his wife, Tory. they were down at Gruene Hall in Texas having a good ol' Texas time in Texas where i'm not presently dancing the Texas two-step with my good Texas friends. the first thing i see is this i have not been able to watch Watership Down since 1978 when i saw it in the theater. i believe it was a cold december day, sunday following church. highland mall was still new and hwy 183 was two lanes. Christmas was in the air and this was supposed to be an animated film about bunnies. they were supposed to get on a raft, it would sink, and then they live happily on an island (i had just played Huck Finn in the elementary school play and my favorite show was Gilligan's Island. kid logic). this was a mainstream animated film in the 70's so that meant it was for children. this would change in 1981 with the release of Heavy Metal. i said, "bunnies" a...

guess who just opened up a brand new bar down the street from my house? guess. THE mother fucking BACHELOR. that's right. last year's bachelor (or he might be the winner of the bachelorette) was born in oklahoma and he has returned to his homeland to build a hip, new, los angeles bar right down the street from my house! it's called NOVA and it's all the rage. it has valet parking DIRECTLY in front of the parking lot. that's right, valet parking in OKLAHOMA. we finally got it. now I can pay some guy to move my car seven feet from where i drop it off! that's great news because i'll only have to walk ten feet to get to the front door! i usually have to walk twenty feet when i go to less stylish bars. NOVA is going to be a trend setter here. i can tell. i thought "LiT" and the "SKKYBAR" (that's right, our SKKYBAR has two Ks) would show oklahoma the LA lifestyle but i was wrong. THE BACHELOR is going to do it. i can't wait to...

"You clean your house if you know people are coming over." -Ray talking about personal hygiene

Nick? why didn't you leave a message? why do you torture me li... oh yeah, the spanking thing. please try again. it's been so long. have you found someone new? l.y.l.a.s.* ray *stalker

I love the new Wednesday night in Austin. Travis and Blynch had the greatest idea of all time to go play bingo on Eeast Riverside. Tonight was my first time to go and I won. Not enout to buy a new car, but just enough to take my good friends to a place of top notch entertainment. They all smell like lemon glitter, but not as much as I do.

well, my first internet romance lasted about 3 minutes. nick did not call me back at 4. i got you DOMINATRIXESESES for our first date, NICK. granted, they were hot girls with big boobies, but have you ever heard of a strap-on, NICK? you know what, NICK, the 26 year old waiter/actor from Austin, TX? i'm not calling YOU back. and it not just because i don't have your number. it's because I'M breaking up with YOU. woo hoo! i'm on the rebound!

ok, some guy named nick just called. he says he got my number from craigslist and wants to have gay sex with me and spank me. i told him to call back at 4. should i meet him? does anyone want to go? or should i leave the poor guy alone? oh yeah, my number is not on craigslist.

My two favorite quotes from this past week. Guy talking to girl on sixth street: "The reason I like you, is that I know you'll never tell my wife." Woman talking to man in small bar 40 minutes northwest of Austin: "If you don't start paying attention I'm gonna divorce you."

we take illicit substances from strangers in bathrooms. we do all the damn work around here. the fancy catfish is going back to it's natural hair color. if you don't see your name to the left, you can't post here anymore. you may apply to get back on the blog by submitting a 1000 words on hating fun. please submit any complaints to me and then go to hell. (ok, i did leave Russell on, the man's a gawd damn genious) now everyone hold still, i love you.

derekannoyed.mov

Here's a new poster for the next Perfect Strangers.

www.beedogs.com

new mexico did redeem itself. big time.

should be the new slogan for new mexico tourism. i took this picture at a rest stop. pretty much, new mexico is saying... "if your kids get drunk and poke one of our toilet snakes, don't call us because it's not our fault and you can't. ha ha ha ha ha we're New Mexico. if the underside of your rattler reads 'aliens', redeem your fang marks for a free dream catcher at the black widow barn." new mexico... it's like old mexico, but still in the wrapper and sitting on a closet shelf because SERIOUSLY grandma, i'm not EVER gonna wear that. how about a gift certificate next time. those two blobs are actually rattlesnakes coordinating an airstrike via Nextel on that drunk guy scratching the word 'HELP' in the dirt.

If we ever have to start calling each other by numbers I call 123.

"And the password is:" Nach ein dunkes bier You know what that gets you? Another dark beer. This place is AWESOME. Except for the having to pay 4 EEURSop or wahterver the sign is for a EURO at the hotel to get onthe information highway. I'm suppose to catch a train to Prague in exactly 4 hurs and 1 miutes. ps BEER is good.

imagine if we blog on this thing for the rest of our lives and at each person's funeral someone reads all their posts. people in the audience will say, "i didn't know he was retarded. did you know? i didn't know."

check out February 2004 on the blog. it's like grandma's ribbon candy. if you try to pull out one piece, you'll get the whole damn pile.

that i can't see the tiniest of all things. the red inside the black. so small , fragmented, and tweaky. i don't know what they are, but they compose every single thing. hmm, mostly red. god damn, a dog is howiling a frightening message. what the fuck are you? still and alwayus mostly red. it's like when you rub your eyes, only smaller. somebody, please, pretty please, walk up to je me to tomorrow and say, ' ican see electrons'. then i'll say 'me too' and then something elese will happen and so on. neice talkin with ya. hmm, even the green is made of red. why is that?

the jack daniel's label. A-1 and Jack Daniels.